Hello beautiful people!
Am i too "grown" to be afraid? Like is there a point in life where you are supposed to be fearless? If so, im not there yet; cause im PETRIFIED! of what?? Well alot of things, heights, spiders, ANYTHING blue or greeen, amongst others. But my ultimate fear, is LOVE! *screams* im so afraid of it! Its soo scary and random.I hate bein put in situations where the dreaded "L" words appears. Thats why i HATE love songs.. they freak me out!
Ever been in a relationship or on the verge of being in one, and you start thinking "Can I LOVE this person"? Yea, i start twitchin when it comes to that! LOVE? whatthefuckisthat *fabolous voice* Idk if i even know how to do that. Seems too complicated for me... why cant i just like someone...ALOT?
Why would anyone want to be in Love, or Love someone? I know when its good, its good- but when its BAD, its fuckin HORRIBLE! The person you were in sooo much love with turns out to be a complete jerk, asshole, dumbass, ect. So why even put yourself in a situation like that?
With love, you gotta be like "free" and shit. Takes alot of effort, time and energy, and i just dont have that time... jus yet ( or ever!) The way i see it " Love is like a game, and no one ever wins!" You get ahead, but overtime, ya ass loses. That man you married 20 years ago, cheats... and you lose. The guy that loved you soo much, hits you. That girl you would do ANYTHING for, played you. That perfect couple has, secrets... get my drift??
Now alot of people may read this, and think im just another mad black woman whose heart has been scorned, which is partially true, but im just taking a realistic approach to life. You can never put all of your money in one pot or ya ass will be BROKE wen life takes ya damn pot. Now im not condoning having multiple pots, but im saying, be smart!
I'll blame my dad for giving me this mindset. How i long for the female take on things; daydreaming about marriage and love. Hearing a love song and smiling.. damn i want that soo bad! Most females arent afraid of monogamy, but ME....smh, im soo scared of it! I have such a male outlook on life, and its turned me into a scaredy cat to say the least..
One day ill face my fear.. HOPEFULLY. One day ill look love in the eyes with confidence and not worry if its gonna FUCK me over. But today, March 22, 2010.. im still afraid of you LOVE!
The BeautifullestBliss
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