Emotional Wreck ( in the words of Chris Crocker)

You always hear the term ‘emotional wreck’, but is there such a thing as a.. successful, smoothe ride, when letting emotions take the wheel?

Every time I let my guard down, I become astonishgly (astonishing even to me) sensitive. I choose to ignore my emotions 100% of the time.. so when I finally consider letting them do the talking, I end up kicking myself and getting mad at others for not being ‘nicer’ to me or for not giving me the love I want in return.

Maybe I’m just a big baby.. but someday.. Someday I am going to be someones big baby, and they’re going to love me that much more.. and they’re going to love ALL the things about me others can’t seem to stand.. and all this waiting will be worth it.

I long a guy to pull me closer when I push him away. For a guy to understand my games, to see through them— To kiss me when I start to cuss him out. To cup my cheek in his hand and rub my face.. I could go on..

Unfortunatley fantasies don’t come with a warning label, and even if they did, I take warning’s as a “jumping off point, to start negotions” to quote Cher from Clueless.

I keep wanting to end this entry with an uplifting sigh of relief, but I don’t really want a sigh of relief.. because I know it will be temporary.

How many wishes in a bottle do I have to send/spread all over the Internet, before the one for me finally fucking reads it and acts on the feelings he and I both know are there? Because if I ever DO find love.. Mark my fucking words.

I will NOT

under any circumstances..

I will NOT chase love. Love will chase me once and for all.

In ALL of my previous relationships, I was the initiator. For ONCE in my life, I will let them do the confessing and the wooing me over.

I just sighed..

Temporarily Relieved,

Chris
&
Beautifullest Bliss